The Nuttiest Boy Band Around

Fake Tiger Beat Cover

SUGGS: Another big turning point for the band was when we put out ‘My Girl’ as the third single. ’Cause we hadn’t really appealed to girls up to that point.

WOODY: We moved very quickly from doing sweaty clubs with a lot of scary-looking skinheads, and then the crowds got younger. At first, it was a bit kind of, ‘Oh my God, we’ve become a boy band.’ But it was alright.

LEE: It’s gone from boneheads in string vests to teeny-boppers. Now we’ve got the handbags replacing the beer bottles and a waft of fucking Charlie perfume coming up towards the stage! I mean, it was just one of those things. Directly after ‘My Girl,’ because it was moving so fast, we had a moment where at the gigs, you did see gooey-eyed girls at the front. But it was briefly lived.

Excerpts from Before We Was We: Madness by Madness

Before New Kids on the Block, before Backstreet Boys and NSYNC, before One Direction and BTS, Madness blazed the hunky trail as one of the pop world’s original boy bands. Kinda sorta. Well, not really. I guess you might consider Chas Smash to have been the boy-bandiest of the lot, with his slick dance moves and flashy fashion sense. And there could be multiple applicants for the role of The Cute One, right ladies?

Just so there’s no confusion, the fabricated Tiger Beat cover above comes from an alternate universe where Madness somehow became American teen idol sensations back in the day. But there does exist some legitimate evidence of their fleeting brush with boy band noblesse.

The profile pinups below were published in Look-in, a UK weekly for young readers focused on TV shows and music. The magazine boasted a long-running Madness comic strip called “It’s Madness,” and in early 1981 the band’s members were individually spotlighted in the “Collect-a-Page” feature. Look-in readers had to come back every week to get the whole set of seven, but Stateside Madness has helpfully gathered them for you here. We added the totally radical ’80s frame designs, but the rest is like real to the max.

So which nutty dreamy boy do YOU fancy the most?

The Heartthrob

Boy Band Suggs

The Bad Boy

Boy Band Kix

The Older Brother

Boy Band Mike

The Cute One

Boy Band Bedders

The Boy Next Door

Boy Band Chris

The Shy One

Boy Band Woody

The Crazy Clown

Boy Band Chas

Fun Fact: According to Look-in, in 1981 Madness had a combined weight of 450 kg (987 lbs.). Madness still weighs about the same 40 years later, considering that the six remaining members between them have gained at least the equivalent of one 22-year-old Chas Smash.

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