Being a Glorified YouTube Reaction Video Wrought as a Shambolic Three-Act Mockery of a Dramaturgical Pompfest Upon the Premiere of
Theatre of the Absurd presents C’est La Vie

Conceived, Written and Performed by
Donald Trull and Jonathan Young

SPOILER WARNING!
The following review contains in-depth, track-by-track discussion of the second half of the new Madness long-playing record. If you have not yet had the privilege of listening to said album, then what in the holy hell is wrong with you, ya sad bastard? Did you not know the flippin’ album’s out already, Chief? Stop right now, go buy it or stream it or vape it or whatever you kids do these days. Then hike your sorry slacker ass back over here and slap the boys’ new masterpiece on the hi-fi while you merrily read along, to laugh and cry and gasp and cheer and perhaps soil yourself a bit, just as the authors intended. And be sure to start with the LP 1 review, not on this page where we’re up to Act III.

Scene: Mr Trull sits alone in the balcony box, polishing off a Cadbury Flake 99 ice cream and fiddling on his iPhone. A sparse arrangement of the orchestral overture from The Liberty of Norton Folgate is reaching its crescendo. Mr Young enters hurriedly, toting a pint of Kronenbourg beer and plopping into his seat as the house lights dim.

MR YOUNG (breathing heavily, shaking his head and checking his Sekonda watch): Oh good, I was afraid I’d be late. I was off moonlighting, reviewing The Beatles’ new record “Now and Then,” with my dad.

MR TRULL (warbles in poor imitation of Suggs): Was it the best job you ever a-had? Let’s stay focused on the new Madness record, shall we? Here comes Martin Freeman now.

MR YOUNG (yells): Dr Watson, I presume! 

MR TRULL (hollers): Where’s Sherlock?

THE COMPÈRE (ignores heckles and speaks over suspenseful piano and ominous rolls of thunder): The situation deteriorates still further. It is becoming dire. The end is possibly nigh.

“Lockdown and Frack Off” by C. Foreman begins to play.

MR YOUNG: This one’s really different, innit? Though the intro reminds me of the home demo of Chris’s “Please Don’t Go.” Not the released B-side. And Suggs’s stage-whisper vocal is like on his song “Fortune Fish.”

MR TRULL: It reminds me more of The Madness. Especially the song “Oh.” That chugga-chugga rhythm. It has a bit of a Deaf School feel too. Suggs doing a Clive Langer vocal. And I love that banjo-style guitar plucking! This song is really fun, considering Chrissy’s subject matter of choice.

MR YOUNG: Yeah, he’s found a nice way to vent his personal COVID and eco demonstration opinions by having a laugh. The lyrics run through the litany of lockdown panic: death counts reported daily on TV, pub curfews, panic buying of groceries and petrol, neighbours encouraged to report violations on one another, surrendering of personal liberties, energy price hikes, and of course vaccination controversy. But in the way he’s strung it together, this turns out as the funniest song on the album.

MR TRULL: That is quite a feat! Personally I’m on the other side of Chris’s views on “the jab,” and felt trepidatious about a musical version of his Instagram posts. But he’s chosen the perfect tack here, dwelling on the insanity of this crisis we lived through instead of arguing over who was right or wrong. 

MR YOUNG: Oh, nearly forgot. (Digs into his vest pocket.) I just got another telegram brought to me down in the lobby. This one’s from Mr C.J. Foreman on the song’s origins. Here, have a listen. (Reads.) “I had the music for years. The band said this one and ‘Run for Your Life’ are the same. But it’s sort of like that one’s almost conspiracy theories, and this is everyone being locked down, grass on your neighbours like when there’s a hosepipe ban. For some reason I started writing about fracking, running out of ideas halfway through the lyrics. Eco warriors, people appreciate what they are trying to do, but the way they try to do it is wrong. Throwing something at a Van Gogh painting. Nearly everyone in the band has changed song titles, so I made this ‘Lockdown and Frack Off,’ which I thought was good.” 

MR TRULL: No way. I just thought he meant the title as a euphemism for the F-word. Never would have guessed it was inspired by hydraulic fracturing and eco protests, before Chris added the COVID commentary.

MR YOUNG (holds telegram up to his face and squints): Huh. It’s signed with Chrissy Boy’s rubber stamp. How’d he manage that on a telegram? (Folds and pockets the telegram). Anyway, I have to wonder about the redundancy of these lockdown songs. How well will they age? Depends on how soon till the next pandemic, maybe! 

MR TRULL: I think it’s okay if a song like this becomes dated, because it serves as a snapshot in time. Like old protest songs reflect how people felt about Vietnam or Margaret Thatcher or whatever. I think some of that sensibility is baked into “Lockdown and Frack Off,” like the folky flow of the chorus: “Hey now, who you gonna be now? What you gonna do now?” That sounds like something Bob Dylan or Woody Guthrie would have put in their political anthems. The times they are a-changin’, and four biscuits this song is a-gettin’.

MR YOUNG (giggling): You can dunk them in the protesters’ weaponised tomato soup!

“Beginners 101” by M. Barson begins to play.

MR TRULL: Wow. (Stunned silence.) I am entranced.

MR YOUNG: Very pretty melody. Is this a sequel to “MKII”? The man in “silver mohair bright” drives further on to his next criminal escapade? You could play them back to back and the sound and cinematic lens theme would carry forward perfectly.

MR TRULL: It’s just beautiful. Barson and Bedders joined in lockstep, steering the ship majestically. And then Lee’s sax solos bring tears to my eyes…

MR YOUNG: Mike’s lyrics tell of a gold robbery gone wrong. He mentions Where Eagles Dare, a Clint Eastwood war film about a raid on a German castle. They used a rope in the famous cable car stunt scene, just like our robbers’ rooftop escapes. What’s the “Jimmy something waterproof”? Is Barso having a senior moment? (Laughs.) Is he removing the brand name here? Eh? Donald?

MR TRULL (dazed): Huh?

MR YOUNG: All right, mate?

MR TRULL: Yeah, I’m just head over heels with this song. You’re talking about a gold heist or something, but that’s not even registering with me. I think this is really a love song. All the language about a robbery can be read as a metaphor for two young lovers who were having fun, but they made foolish mistakes and things didn’t work out. The man from the special branch might be her disapproving dad, or her old boyfriend. The bars of gold might be temptation that one of them gave into. The rich beauty of the music tells me there’s more going on here than yobbos on a foiled crime caper. I feel like it’s closer to “Sugar and Spice” or “Up the Junction” than “MKII.” And note the sexual implications in that final line cribbed from “Norwegian Wood”: “This bird has flown.”

MR YOUNG (taken aback): Whaa? That’s interesting.

MR TRULL: Or I could be all wrong. But that’s okay. What I know for sure is this tune fits in with all my post-reunion Madness favorites: “NW5,” “You’re Wonderful,” “Rainbows,” “Seven Dials,” “Leon,” “Powder Blue,” “Don’t Leave the Past Behind You,” “Soul Denying.” That wistful sweetness with a dash of nostalgia that hits me square in the chest. “Beginners 101” is a flawless nugget of Madness, and I hereby grant it the honor of seven biscuits. The mark of perfection.

MR YOUNG (gawping): Seven!!! Wow.

“Is There Anybody Out There?” by C. Foreman/L. Thompson begins to play.

MR YOUNG: A slinky, soulful tune from Chris and Lee. A bit Roxy Music, a bit “(Don’t Let Them) Catch You Crying.” Lyrics call back to the swindlers and con men from “Calling Cards” and “Shut Up.” A suitcase salesman peddling his wares on the streets to a crowd gathered round till the police chase him off. Like a Mary Poppins street vendor, selling ice to Eskimos for tuppence a bag.

MR TRULL: It’s a good tune. Worth pointing out the title’s the same as a track from Pink Floyd’s The Wall. Not much similarity other than a tone of loneliness. It’s the second song of the album to use “readies” for cash. I never expected to hear the word “slenderise” repeated in a Madness chorus! At first I thought it was “with slender eyes, for solely the lonely.”

MR YOUNG (laughs): Yeah, selling ladies on the notion that figure-holding girdles will help them maybe find a man. If he’s got a range in the undies business, this may be a cousin of Nice Man George! Which reminds me, I happen to have another telegram on my person, and it’s from Mr Thompson. (Pulls out telegram.) 

MR TRULL: The guys in Madness have mobile phones, right? Couldn’t they text you?

MR YOUNG (ignores Mr Trull and reads): “I used to play cat and mouse with the police, street trading back in early ’70s with my Dad.” Ah yes, he’s reminiscing about hiding from the law when keeping lookout just as we assumed. There’s a bit more though, as Lee continues. “The underlying theme or message is: This is more about online fraud you hear so much about now, conning the vulnerable, the elderly, in society. Cold calls.” So that title is more about online phishing scams. He says he had some out-of-character emails from band members of his solo groups, asking for “funds for a sick friend,” etc. They had been hacked.

MR TRULL: Interesting. I wouldn’t have picked up on cyber crime from the lyrics, it’s implied if you think about broader meanings. “Sounds too good to be true, then it generally is.” I wonder what the line about guacamole means? 

MR YOUNG: It so happens there’s a last word from Lee here. Sometimes drug dealers con their customers selling crushed-up avocado pip as the “holy ketamine”! So it’s all kinds of cons, this one, not just knickers down the market!  

MR TRULL: I wonder, though, if the con artist isn’t lonely and desperate himself? It’s not just his frustrations in selling worthless twaddle, it’s his failure to find a relationship with anybody interested in what he’s got to offer as a person. 

MR YOUNG: Could be, yeah. You know, I think this is Suggs’s best performance vocally on the album. The organ, guitar and sax in harmony counterpoint really move me into a saunter. 

MR TRULL: This song first appeared on the limited edition Introducing CD that so many of us were denied from buying. Of course I got my hands on the track through various… means at one’s disposal. (Winks.) But I almost wish I hadn’t gone to the trouble, since it works so much better in the context of the album than as a teaser. Very well constructed and groovy. I give it four biscuits.

“The Law According to Dr. Kippah” by M. Barson/L. Thompson begins to play.

MR YOUNG: Oooh, now this one’s different. Thommo going off in new directions. The train noise at the beginning and end is the North London Line running through Hampstead. 

MR TRULL: Oh, I’ve been there! Kenwood House, 2019.

MR YOUNG (sighs): Yes, very good, Mr American Tourister. (Resumes his train of thought. Train, get it? Oh blimey, now even the stage directions are doing the terrible jokes.) Lee says “Cast your mind back 40-odd years to the summer of love…” The famous Summer of Love was 1967, but from all the mid-’70s references, Lee must be talking about his teenage years, more like 1976. “Mr Blue Sky” by ELO. “Billy Don’t Be a Hero” by Paper Lace. “Dancing in the Moonlight” by Thin Lizzy… or a Genesis reference? Of course “Golden Years” by David Bowie.

MR TRULL: Speaking of which, Lee’s vocal style and the moody feel of this song are very Bowie to me. That Crunch song “Here He Comes” always reminded me of Bowie from the Scary Monsters “Ashes to Ashes” period, and this song even more so. 

MR YOUNG: Also a bit like “I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)” by Genesis. Pre-’80s Genesis were renowned for the complexity of their song structures, and any true musician trying to master one of their songs can tell you the same of Madness. 

MR TRULL: And that spoken word line, “What we have here is a failure to communicate,” that’s from Cool Hand Luke, a movie that would have resonated with young Lee. One other thing that’s really cool is how Suggs joins Lee on the chorus. Suggs never used to sing much when Lee does the lead, but their vocals blend so well on the choruses here and on “What on Earth Is It (You Take Me For)?” 

MR YOUNG: I agree, it’s been a nice post-Carl progression in their sharing of vocal duties. And on this one the backing vocals from Fordie – LTSO boys in the house! It just works so well, the added power and style difference on the line “We will always be here looking up to you.” It adds poignance behind its delivery. It’s there within both the context of the lyrics, it’s Lee’s sentiment to older boys in the gangs of his youth culture, but the voice being Darren there represents that feeling we all have for the band as brothers. Lee’s woven together some wonderful memories of growing up and music and teenage coming of age, making love in the hottest summer on record, drinking ice cold beers on Hampstead Heath. It’s a real time capsule. 

MR TRULL: What are all the other references about? Who are Dr Kippah and Enrico Sidoli?

MR YOUNG: Lee had a quick but interrupted drunken chat with me after Koko, and also mentioned some details on the song to DJ Mr Bennett. These are some unsolved murder cases from the time, real life tragedies. Enrico was a young boy who was bullied for being a bit different and beaten up at the local swimming pool in the summer of 1976. After he died from the assault, a wall of silence went up when locals interacted with the police investigation, and there were never any convictions. In 1986, an estate agent named Suzy Lamplugh went missing in the area her last scheduled client meeting was with a “Mr Kipper.” This was thought to be the nickname of a man convicted on separate murder and rape charges, but there was never enough evidence to charge him in the Lamplugh case. That’s what “The Law According to Dr. Kippah” means, the code of silence and miscarriages of justice.

MR TRULL: Oh, that’s heavy stuff.

MR YOUNG: It’s an epic murky song of criminal past, fights, gangs, music, young love and loss in the hot summer of 1976 and beyond. With just a nod of biblical reflection. Late in the album comes this song of dark conscience. With its length, emotional moral complexity, and the weight of the years on its narrative, I think this is the “Liberty of Norton Folgate” moment of the new record.

MR TRULL (nods): You’ve convinced me to score it five biscuits. After all, this being the end of Act III, it is the appropriate placement for the shattering climax. And next comes the denouement. 

MR YOUNG: That’s right, we’re getting very near the end. What time is it, Donald?

MR TRULL (after a beat): SHOWTIME!

THE COMPÈRE (over a creepy organ melody and audience chatter): And so ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, we come to the epilogue. They say all clouds have a silver lining. Will our hero be saved? Who will have the courage to stand and fight?

MR YOUNG: Eerie fairground sound. Always love this within the Madness sound however it comes, even in this short slice. Is our friendly Compère really Martin Freeman… or is he a Skrull?

“Run for Your Life” by C. Foreman begins to play. Both gentlemen sit agog as thrashing war drums herald droning sirens and jet engines, then Suggs begins to rap plaintive declarations through a bullhorn.

MR TRULL (dismayed): Oh my God holy crap what is HAPPENING? I – I’m scared, Jon!

MR YOUNG (grins): It’s not a Rubber Soul cover, eh? Keep calm and carry on, mate, it’s just Chrissy Boy blowing off some more steam. This time widening his lens beyond COVID to take in conspiracy hotspots at large: chemtrails, monkeypox, global warming, brain chips, the nuclear doomsday clock, AI technofear, state control censorship, all the tinhat favourites. 

MR TRULL: Those list-reciting verses are styled like a dark parody of Billy Joel’s awful “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” DNA! Vaccinate! What else do I have to say?

MR YOUNG (chuckles): Pigbag percussion and sax on the intro. Also Hawaii 5-0 speedy bongo. The cadence of the “Ruuuun for your life” chorus reminds me of “Highway to Hell,” a Foreman Showtime standard.

MR TRULL: You know what that chorus makes me think of? Peter Gabriel, circa “Games Without Frontiers.” Or Brian Eno and David Byrne. Even better, some of those Talking Heads songs from Fear of Music with aggressive primal chants and complicated polyrhythmic stuff going on. Not a flavor I ever expected to hear in Madness.

MR YOUNG: Musically this is layered and instruments come and go for short bursts. For instance, there’s a lovely piano phrase for a few short seconds about a minute in and nowhere else in the song, as later it’s organ sounds. It also strangely echoes “Mutants in Mega City One” by The Fink Brothers, a.k.a. Suggs and Chas. Every time it gets to “The enemy is past the gate” I want to yell “The mutants have entered the city!” (Laughs.) And I like the “censored” sound splice covering Chris’s worry over the explicit lyrics tag, added when Suggs dropped the album’s second F-bomb. I chuckle too at the robot AI voice bits. Does AI-P45 sound like any Star Wars robots, by the way?

MR TRULL: You mean droids. Nah, sounds more like Kanye or Cher. First Madness song with autotune? (Pauses.) Wait, forgot about “Sorry.”

MR YOUNG: We’d all as soon forget about “Sorry.” But back to “Run for Your Life.” It depicts a fractured response to panic, which makes for a song that sounds very little like the live Madness band. Live the brass section carry much more of the performance of this one. Those are all strengths. It’s a wake-up call of a tune. If you’ve fallen down any conspiracy rabbit holes, or got depressed over the state of the world, this song’s a remedy! It‘s a lot of fun.

MR TRULL: I have to say, at first I was not into the song at all because it’s so weird and different. But now I’m starting to like it… because it’s so weird and different. This level of raw creative energy deserves four biscuits. That chorus should make a hell of a singalong at live gigs.

MR YOUNG: I was dancing around the house with it running about mock-screaming with my 5-year-old stepdaughter. It’s one for the kids. Look out, look out, they’re coming to get you! Thanks for the panic antidote, Chris.

“Set Me Free (Let Me Be)” by C. Foreman begins to play.

MR YOUNG: After all that ruckus, we needed this one to cool down. A downtrodden wish for release leading into the final song. Lockdown again, but about the personal separation of longing to be with your loved one, an updated “Missing You.” This would have fitted on Can’t Touch Us Now. Shades of “Good Times,” “Don’t Let Them (Catch You Crying).” Chris’s lyrics talk about a “ghost town,” which could be a nod to The Specials. Considering the album is dedicated to Terry and all.

MR TRULL: We mentioned Roxy Music for “Is There Anybody Out There?” but this one is totally Bryan Ferry. “4BF” all the way. Super suave and debonair. It’s a real showcase for Mark. I feel like we haven’t talked enough about Bedders, but he’s always money in the bank. The funky bass owns this song.

MR YOUNG: Yeah, the bass grooves and percussion on this are near jazzy. Maybe it’s one lockdown song too many, if I’m honest. On its own it’s not been one I go to much, but still a lot to love. It is a nice performance from Suggs, backed by the talented Spider J. His vocals so soulful. (Strikes a dramatic pose and starts singing.) Spider-Fan, I’m a Spider-Fan! He does whatever a Potato 5 man can!

MR TRULL (sighs and speaks to audience): Tsk. Poor Tom Holland must be ashamed to be one of these Limeys.

MR YOUNG (resumes undeterred): From his backing on “My Girl II” to the extra dimension he added at the end of “Good Times,” I’ve enjoyed what he brings to the mix. Now for his third Madness album appearance, he once again helps deepen the song toward Motown or Sam Cooke era music. That just finishes off things so sweet, much like General Public did on Keep Moving. When I spoke to him at The Big One, Spider agreed that Suggs promises space for vocalists generously when joining the recording process. He compliments our main man well on lighter tracks like this.

MR TRULL: What, no telegram?

MR YOUNG (shrugs): I only chatted to him.

MR TRULL: Okay. To follow up on the vocals, one reviewer suggested that this song was a semi-instrumental – which I thought was exciting, because when was the last good instrumental on a Madness album? “The Opium Eaters”? Of course, turns out it’s not an instrumental at all, and I’m actually glad, since Suggs sounds so great here. Bedders and Suggs for the win. And Spider too. Set them free, let them be granted four biscuits.

“In My Street” by G. McPherson begins to play.

MR TRULL: And now, the end is near and we have reached the final curtain. With a tune we’ve heard for several years now.

MR YOUNG: Funny thing, “it’s just in your mind” and “not until judgement day,” sang Suggs in a more dramatic second arrangement of the song for its orchestrated Kenwood performance, roughly one year before lockdown woes began. Suggs was psychic about where the world was headed and how this album project would end up being presented! A street sketch closer to the grime and depravity of “Neighbourhood” by Space than the cosy picture of “Our House” to my ear. Suggs says The Kinks’ “Dead End Street” was a big inspiration. 

MR TRULL: The chorus reminds me of Sesame Street, rhyming with “the people you meet.”

MR YOUNG: I think that’s on purpose. Like a kids’ song taken to the adult world. Suggs has said the song is about the sentimental attachment you have to the places where you grew up, while also being honest about the bad and nasty things you’re leaving behind. It’s about feeling pleased that you’ve moved on. Which he has, having sold his house at some point in the last five years.

MR TRULL: Brings a whole new meaning to “Something tells you that you’ve got to move away from it.”

MR YOUNG: Maybe the next version will be slagging off Dame Helen Mirren and the other folk around his villa in Italy! And there’s plenty of great recognisable Thommo sax on the album, but listen how he really breaks loose in the latter parts of this song. The solo during “it’s all in your mind” and the “when you’re having fun” bridge run wild like an escaping bronco, and then settle into the more classic Madness sound. 

MR TRULL: I don’t have much to say about this one. It struck me as disappointing when I heard it at Kenwood House. Which is weird for me, because I’m typically thrilled to hear a new Madness song played before release. But “In My Street” didn’t excite me much. It works well enough as a closer, but ranking as my least favorite on a very strong album, it earns only three biscuits. 

MR YOUNG: The song has evolved across live versions. It brings us full circle those five years since album work began. As an endpiece on the LP, it concludes this comedy play by saying all it’s all been a mad dream. Madness is all in the mind once again. And from the minds of Madness, we have new music. The 13th album is complete and ready for judgement day. 

MR TRULL: I say it’s the 12th album. The Madness was a side project. 

MR YOUNG (considers): Call it 12 ½.

MR TRULL (crosses arms): Hmph. Aside from that, I say amen, brother.

THE COMPÈRE: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the end. (Dramatic pause.) Of the beginning. (The curtain falls.)

The two gentlemen rise and vigorously applaud, whooping and cheering. 

MR YOUNG (leaping about): Brilliant! Absolutely marvelous! 

MR TRULL (fist-pumping): D’you hear that? “The end of the beginning!” Ooooohh!

MR YOUNG (wide-eyed): That can only mean one thing! Deluxe Edition! 

MR TRULL (suddenly gone calm): Well, not necessarily, Jon. I think that could be intended metaphorically, subverting the cyclical nature of the Madness dialectic vis-a-vis the… aw shit YES, I wants me them bonus tracks! 

MR YOUNG (yelling): Release the Cricklewood 5!!!  

MR TRULL (double yelling): The White Board Sessions Volume Two! 

MR YOUNG (mock hysterical): Minehead Revisited: “HOF of the Absurd!!”

MR TRULL (frothing at the mouth and experiencing a neuro-cardiac episode): Hey now, what about our damn frickin’ delayed American tour in 2024, by God! USA! USA! USA! And play Coachella! And Supernova! And the Super Bowl halftime show! And, and, and a CD/Blu-ray of the Kenwood House show so I can finally hear the damn orchestra properly! USA! USA! Aaauggghhh!!!

Our two fanboys collapse back onto their ice cream and beer-stained seats, spent and wheezing. The empty theatre in London has become just that, a dark and empty expanse devoid of sound, save for the faint crackle of the needle repeating at the end of vinyl side four runout groove.

MR YOUNG: Phew. Now then… what do you think, mate? How would you sum up the album?

MR TRULL (stunned): I… I’m overwhelmed. It’s a total shock to the system, absorbing all this incredible new material all at once. (Pauses.) I don’t know what to say. I’m feeling verklempt. (Sniffles and wipes eyes.) You go ahead, make your closing remarks first.

MR YOUNG: Sure, I’ll jump in. (Mulls for a moment.) Madness have always written Nutty Sounds and still do, but this album is filled with mature song structures to be taken to heart. Chris has pushed caustic lyrical wit nearer to Eminem proportions in his growth as a lyrical songwriter. Whilst the atmospherics and characterisation that Suggs and then Thommo have painted within their tunes are equal parts whimsy and mood, with added weightier reflection. Woody has enveloped mystery into his benevolent objective moral tale, as does Lee’s longest, deepest, darkest missive looking back on his past. Finally, Barson ranges from light caper through inner sorrowful longing to the stark judgemental. There is just a little more bile than Madness ever put into lyrics before on this LP – such are the times, such is age. Still funny, still singalong, with light touches abounding from upbeat tunes to slower, spookier ones. and some with emotional resonance. The musical varieties all have precedence in their musicianship, but together form an array of album tracks for different tastes and moods of Madness. 

MR TRULL: Well said.

MR YOUNG: This is really something new. It’s older musicians, using the latest technology to join in supporting each other’s varied approaches and levels of pathos. It feels to me like they know what they are all doing and brought complete songs rather than demos to Cricklewood. Or that Mr Glasbey deserves a little bit more credit than engineer. It’s accomplished Madness in every sense. And what a great supporting cast of contributors. Spider J and Grace we’ve mentioned, and Darren Fordham. Mike, Steve and Joe on brass, the strings, of course Mez Clough. I’ve not mentioned Mez and I need to, the dude was awesome at my wedding! Need to make sure he knows how much I appreciate what he’s added with his percussion and –

Suddenly an apelike, bespectacled Telegram Boy lumbers into the box, wearing a disheveled, old-fashioned uniform from Scurfield Wireless Services.

TELEGRAM BOY (in a thick Geordie accent, rolling his R’s like bowling balls): Whey aye man, I present to you, one freshly prepared three-headed penguin. (Proffers a telegram.) Oh!! My mistake, it’s actually a telegram for a Mr Young.

MR YOUNG: Ah, cheers. (Takes telegram.) Thanks, Scurf.

TELEGRAM BOY: Nae problem, Jon. (Leans over and whispers conspiratorially, whilst looking left and right.) Don’t forget to order the Special Christmas Waffle Clonk with optional strap-on gopher restrictor.

MR YOUNG: Right, will do.

TELEGRAM BOY (nods and taps his nose with a pleased wink): See ya later. (Exits.)

MR TRULL (confused): What was that all about?

MR YOUNG (looks up from unfolding the telegram): Hm? Oh, never mind him. Barmy as a loon. (Shrugs and reads telegram.) Ah perfect, it’s from Mez. “I’m so glad you dig it! I think it’s a strong record with a real identity.” Well that’s good to hear. (Folds telegram away into his vest pocket.) Now where was I? Oh yes, pathos. That much-talked about element of Madness has never been so big-world-stage manifested before to this extent across an LP. But twisting the world into tidy song capsules remains the game lyrically, and there is still plenty of personal soul level too. 

MR TRULL: Totally.

MR YOUNG: There’s a sense of maturity and grandeur, with the Freeman introductions and artwork, to market this into being Folgate’s cousin nestling in your album collection. While there aren’t any large-trousered houses on display here, there is grey-better-day-beating triumph. There, that’ll do for my waffling on. Your turn, Donald. You going to score the overall album forty-leven lard biscuits?

MR TRULL (chuckles): That’s about how I feel right now! I love it to pieces. But I don’t want to do any more grading and report cards. There’s no point in making comparative judgments of “better” or “best” compared to their past body of work, not only because of recency bias, but more because rankings are meaningless when you come across something as important as this album. It deserves more than empty fan wank.

MR YOUNG (intrigued): Go on.

MR TRULL: I mean, I know I’m not the most credible critic in the Madness blogosphere. I’m sure people think I’m a softy sycophant who waxes on about everything the band puts out regardless. I am, after all, guilty of having praised “Ooh Do U Fink U R?” as the song of the year, right? (Laughs.) So I know I’m the boy who cried wolf when I say that Theatre of the Absurd presents C’est La Vie is essentially my platonic ideal of a Madness album. Certainly not in an absolute sense. Maybe not “the” best Madness album. But it’s at least “a” perfect Madness album. 

MR YOUNG (placing a hand on his companion’s shoulder): Hey, from kiss-arse to curmudgeonous grinch, we all have our place being fan/critics of this band. “A” perfect Madness album you say? I like that. A perfect Madness album, from late in their career. The sun is descending and the light is still bright.

MR TRULL: And the only thing I can definitively say it’s “better than” is that it’s better than what I was expecting. We start to accept that the band’s creative heights are behind them, and we’ll content ourselves with whatever minor dribblings they put out. Then somehow they craft something as astounding as this, with everyone in top form, and we just weren’t ready for it. At least I know I wasn’t! Madheads worldwide are on the cusp discovering of something very special. An incipient tsunami is about to hit our fan community, and I’m so excited to see the reaction.

MR YOUNG: Yeah, same here! For me having sat through this with you, now it’s the knowing that many many more out there are discovering different favourite tracks. Those little personally chosen joyous moments of looping Madness. (Grins a satisfied grin at the thought.) On that note, we need to take this theatrical absurdity one more step beyond…

Waving their hands in shimmying motions and making falsetto “doodoodle-oooh” noises like Wayne and Garth, the two absurdist fanboys break the fourth wall.  

You blink. Yes, YOU there.

Our two gentlemen, their dapper stage wardrobe replaced by their actual ratty old Madness T-shirts and hoodies, are looking at you right now, straight through a glowing red vortex that pierces your screen. They lean forward and peer down their noses at you, clearly skeptical about your own fashion choices today. They follow your eyes as you read along with this, silently waiting until you reach the end of this descriptive paragraph, for you see now they are about to speak directly to you when they say…

MR YOUNG: Hello readers. Thank you ever so kindly for reading this far. So sorry for inducing all those yawns and eyerolls. 

MR TRULL (mockingly): “Woahhh, sooo boah-wing. TL;DR.” It’s okay, everyone. You can go search Madness reviews on TikTok after this.

MR YOUNG: So dear reader, we ask what are YOUR favourites then? Oh look Donald, that one’s a Barso fangirl, she’s on her 37th play of “Hour of Need” already. Ha ha, look at that big bloke dancing to “If I Go Mad.” 

MR TRULL (gasps): Man, looking out at the sea of all y’all’s confused faces out there, the godlike rush of omniscience, I feel like… She-Hulk! (In his glasses is briefly reflected a skinhead with a spiderweb tattooed face putting a Doctor Martin size 9 through the top of his stereo system.) Hmmm. Looks like Nigel there’s not a fan of “Round We Go,” Jon.

MR YOUNG (spots another problem): Erm hello, hello? Yes you dear. You’ve got the vinyl on the wrong speed, love. (Aside to Mr Trull.) Some of them are increasingly infirm, you know.

MR TRULL (gazing into the abyss and chanting mystically): Romper, stomper, bomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me do. Madhead Mirror, tell me today, did all my friends have a fun first play? I see Poly, and Adam, Iain, and Bobby. There’s Dicka, and Derek, Al, Al, and Laurie. All listening to Theatre of the French Thing when they should go to bed. All sitting around their living room, off their heads…

MR YOUNG: Quite the load of busy eardrums out there in Maddieland. When you can take a break from repeating the album, please do tell MIS more of what you yourselves think about it. Email staff@madness-mis.com. The best comments, rate it or slate it, will be used in our MIS email fanzine. And there’s running now an album-related prize competition open until the end of the year for the best chinwag we read. Right, now we’d best crack on and finish our own appraisal here. 

The two gentlemen “doodoodle-oooh” to cosmically restore the ruptured fourth wall, give or take a brick stolen by some more dubious members of the fan base likely to be visiting a jeweler’s window before the week is out. The interdimensional portal closes and their three-piece suits rematerialize.

MR YOUNG: Well Donald, apologies for interrupting your wrap-up for that prolonged nonsense. Here, I’ll set you back on track with a segue. Ahem. (In a loud and stilted voice.) This interlude of ours has been, erm, conceptual, eh? (Nudges.)

MR TRULL (catches the drift): Got it! (Straightens collar and resumes monologue.) So yeah. Everyone is going to call Toe-Tap CLV a concept album, and it is. But for me, the concept is not post-pandemic trauma or 21st century horrors or whatever. Those are just the stage dressing. The real concept of the album is failures of communication and lasting bonds between friends. We’ve heard how the tensions of COVID nearly split the band up. But when they got back together in Cricklewood to write new songs, all the hostility fell away and they created something magical. That’s a lesson for us all. It moves me to know that that oddball British band I latched onto when as a 13-year-old kid is still here today in such full artistic power. Instead of breaking up in anger or carrying on in mediocrity, they are still capable of magnificent work. All I can say is thank you, Madness. Thank you.

MR YOUNG: I second every word of that. You silver-tongued mad poet laureate, you. (Looks at watch.) So what do you reckon? Ready to go again?

MR TRULL: I think it’s time, Captain Jon. Let’s do it.

The gentlemen fanboys shake hands and nod, like the Dynamic Duo in the opening titles of the Batman TV show. Each cups hands to his mouth, takes a deep breath, and starts heckling the empty stage. 

MR TRULL (bellowing): More! More! Trot your furry-ass feet back out here, Bilbo Baggins! 

MR YOUNG (screaming): Maaaartin! Respond, Responder! We want more Madness!

BOTH: Mad-NESS! (Clapping and stomping thrice in unison.) Mad-NESS! (Clapping and stomping thrice in unison.) Mad-NESS! 

Their shouts subside as the house lights go down. Sound effects of audience murmurs and applause. The Compère strides onstage in a shimmering gold lamé tuxedo with matching bow tie. 

THE COMPÈRE (as a languid piano refrain tinkles and the orchestra tunes up): Mr Beckett sir, your audience awaits…

With special thanks to Ian Taylor, Mark Charlesworth and Garry Scurfield

Being a Glorified YouTube Reaction Video Wrought as a Shambolic Three-Act Mockery of a Dramaturgical Pompfest Upon the Premiere of
Theatre of the Absurd presents C’est La Vie

Conceived, Written and Performed by
Donald Trull and Jonathan Young

SPOILER WARNING!
The following review contains in-depth, track-by-track discussion of the first half of the new Madness long-playing record. If you have not yet had the privilege of listening to said album, and do not wish to have its parameters coloured in at the edges of scribbled margins by a couple of chin-stroking hack fans dancing overgleefully in their broad britches, please do proceed no further. We welcome your return after your unsullied mind has properly digested this most thrilling magnum opus.

Dramatis Personae

MR YOUNG, an English Madness aficionado 
MR TRULL, an American Madness aficionado
THE COMPÈRE, a popular English thespian and Hobbit 
TELEGRAM BOY

Scene: Some dark theatre in London. At centre stage rests a single elevated balcony box, framed by red velvet curtains. Within the regal luxury box are sat two middle-aged gentlemen of refined bearing, clad in old-fashioned three-piece suits festooned with Madness lapel pins.

MR TRULL (impatiently checking his pocket watch): What’s taking so long?

MR YOUNG: Patience, dear boy. The show will begin soon enough. 

MR TRULL: I sure hope so. Can you believe it’s been seven years since the last one? That’s how long their whole first run lasted before the ’86 breakup! 

MR YOUNG: Indeed. Pity how the pandemic delayed the best laid plans.

MR TRULL: Man, stupid COVID. But don’t forget, they originally said it was gonna premiere by the end of 2019, as part of the Madness XL anniversary celebration (scoffs). They could have got it out just before the pandemic if they’d stayed on schedule.

MR YOUNG: Perhaps so. But that would have been a much different work. These new songs have been enriched by the band’s lockdown experiences and all the time they’ve spent together in the Cricklewood rehearsal space. From what we heard at Koko, the new songs are bloody brilliant.

MR TRULL (mockingly): “Oh Koko this, Koko that…” You Brits are so damn lucky, you know? Getting all these exclusive preview shows and new tours every time you turn around? In America we get diddly squat. All I’ve got to go on is the preview EP songs and The Get Up! But yeah, I am awfully impressed. And with the theatrical act structure and all that, I think this thing is going to be amazing. 

MR YOUNG: Quite agree. At first I thought the lengthy title was a bit much, but I’ve come to like it. Harkens back to Madness Presents The Rise and Fall, and it’s in the grandiose style of The Liberty of Norton Folgate.

MR TRULL: Me, I’m happy because I wanted the album to be called Theatre of the Absurd. I was disappointed when Chris announced it was going to be C’est La Vie, but the portmanteau makes a fine compromise.

MR YOUNG: I see “Theatre of the Absurd” as the latest Madness alter ego, following on the Invaders and the Dangermen. Like a troupe of music hall troubadours, a fictional Sgt. Pepper identity putting on a make-believe show.

MR TRULL: Remains to be see what the fans will settle on calling the album for short. What do you reckon?

MR YOUNG (considers): Well, it abbreviates as TOTAPCLV, so maybe we’ll be saying TOTAP. Especially if it’s a real toe-tapper. Get it?

MR TRULL (groans): Yeah, more likely we’ll end up with CLV. Which, if you mumble it quickly, kinda sounds like C’est La Vie. Oh, and I’m looking forward to the Martin Freeman intros. 

MR YOUNG: You know, he’s been a longtime fan of Madness and vocal in his support. Even turned up interviewed in the Gogglebox DVD set.

MR TRULL: Not to mention he’s collaborated with my other favorite UK artist, Paul Weller. My dude Bilbo is living the dream.

MR YOUNG: Well, he is a dedicated Mod, just without the parka. In his spoken word bits, I expect he’ll be putting his Everyman spin on the Chas Smash MC role, something like Charlie Higson did in The Get Up! Martin Freeman certainly has gone far since The Office and…

The house lights go down. Sound effects of audience murmurs and applause.

MR TRULL: Oh, it’s about to begin!

The Compère strides onstage in a shimmering gold lamé tuxedo with matching bow tie. 

THE COMPÈRE (as a languid piano refrain tinkles and the orchestra tunes up): Mr Beckett sir, your audience awaits…

MR YOUNG (whispers): Quaint music box sounding backing by Mike, love it.

The curtain raises, revealing a backcloth painted with a nuclear explosion. Suddenly the band appear, frozen in a single transfixed tableau. Beset all around by drones, robot attacks, missiles, incoming meteor strikes, the band members display varied expressions of panic, all save Suggs, who grins brandishing slightly damaged crockery. A fog of fracking gas leaks across the stage while a newspaper flickers aflame, illuminating the walls in the dark and near-empty theatre. This is all reflected only within the eyes of our two shocked onlookers.

MR YOUNG (whoops): Cor Blimey Guvnor, them Maddy boys dun been through the wars and no mistakin. Ohh look lord luv a rubber duck. (Cups hand to side of his mouth and stage whispers.) Erm… Mr Playwright sir, I‘m English, I‘m not Dick Van Dyke.  

MR TRULL (aside): Sorry, I went full Pygmalion there. I’ll dial it back, Jon.

“Theatre of the Absurd” by G. McPherson begins to play from the loudspeakers. The distressed performers remain static throughout. Our focus remains on the gentlemen in the luxury box, lit by a spotlight.

MR YOUNG: Ah, this is nice way to set the stage, as it were.

MR TRULL: Yeah, it’s better suited as a sort of overture than a finale, isn’t it? Pulling the “We Are London” duty for this album.

MR YOUNG: Reminds me of some of Suggs’s solo work, like “Cracks in the Pavement” and “The Greatest Show on Earth.” 

MR TRULL: Definitely got that Sgt. Pepper feel with the “Day in the Life” orchestra fugue, and some “Penny Lane” brass. And Suggs is going for a bit of John Lennon phrasing, the way he draws out “absur-ur-ur-ur-urrrd… ur-ur-ur-urrrddd…“

MR YOUNG: I like that bit. Brings in that sorrow of playing to an empty audience from The Get Up, the weirdness during lockdown.  

MR TRULL: Remember they actually billed this as “The Cruellest Comedy” in The Get Up? Obviously they realized “Theatre of the Absurd” is a much cooler title.

MR YOUNG: Lovely little trumpet flourishes from Joe near to the end here. A very strings-led tune that grew in arrangement from the first lockdown gig with that string quartet. Listen closely at the end of the second minute, you can hear someone strike up their zippo lighter twice, just to add to the atmospheric absurdity. So how many lard biscuits you reckon, then?

MR TRULL (considers): I’ll give it four biscuits out of five. A solid opening number.

“If I Go Mad” by G. McPherson begins to play.

MR TRULL (fist pumps): Yeah! Love this one!

MR YOUNG: This funky tune has been around and toured for a while now. It’s already started to get a good grip on the fan base, even if some of the crowds have been singing the chorus as “five go mad” and even “Fargo Man”! (Laughs.)

MR TRULL: Yeah, I notice they’re enunciating the “If I…” more clearly on the studio version. You know, I wasn’t so impressed with the first new songs that surfaced after “Bullingdon Boys,” like “Before We Was We” and “In My Street.” But when I heard this one on The Get Up! livestream, I immediately loved it. This is everything I want in a Madness song. 

MR YOUNG: They all really gel on this one, don’t they? You’ve got the big rhythm laid down by Woody, and Mez’s unique additional percussion strongly following Bedders, there’s brass stings and guitar stabs and even a Lee twanger! But it’s got stops and wonderful minimalism in parts too. And Suggs is enjoying himself. Here again he’s working through his frustrations as a performer denied his stage during the pandemic, finally able to release that pent-up energy. 

MR TRULL: When he says “If I go mad without you,” that can be interpreted as “without the audience,” or “without my career,” in addition to “the girl I know.” Because “we all need the money and we all miss the show!” And at first I thought Suggs was saying “we all need the raise,” but I know the British say “pay rise” instead of “pay raise.” So it’s “we all need the readies”? What’s that, like horsetrack betting forms?

MR YOUNG: Nah, that means money. There’s a load of English references in the lyrics. O Lucky Man is a 1973 comedy film. “Where have you been?” and “The crooked man” come from nursery rhymes. Makes you think of Suggs sitting round watching old films and children’s shows on telly, bored off his arse. Then for the middle eight, he dredges up a passage from his and Carl’s old B-side “Call Me.”

MR TRULL: Love that part, and how the frenetic energy compares to the sedated original. Suggs manages to get the lyrics out more coherently here than on The Get Up: “Here’s to all the fishes with no dish!” (Laughs.) But one part that was better on the livestream was the intro. I loved how it led off with Woody beating the shit out of his drums like Dave Grohl. On the album it starts with the harmony vocals going “Ooooh ooooh,” I guess fitting with the song’s train theme.

MR YOUNG: Sounds a bit like the intro on Big Mountain’s “Baby I Love Your Way,” too. But yeah, great track, and it’s always nice to have a Madness song use the actual word “mad.”

MR TRULL: Five biscuits from me!

“Baby Burglar” by M. Barson/L. Thompson begins to play.

MR YOUNG: This is another of Lee’s songs reflecting on the juvenile delinquency of his past. But tackling a more serious message than “Land of Hope and Glory” and “Idiot Child,” here he considers what might have happened if he had gone beyond petty crime instead of turning his life around.

MR TRULL: I’ve heard different accounts of what this song is about. One interview said it was inspired by Lee discovering a teenage thief invading his home, but the song references murder. So I’m guessing it’s various ideas composited together?

MR YOUNG: Yeah. The title comes from Thommo’s experiences at reform school. Older boys mocked newcomers at the institution by jeering, “Here come the baby burglars.” The murder case refers to a Berkshire police officer who died after teenage thieves stealing a quad bike dragged him off down a road for a mile. “In a moment of madness.” 

MR TRULL: Whoa, that’s intense. 

MR YOUNG: It follows the tradition of spooky ghost ska songs and ska courtroom songs, like Prince Buster’s “Judge Dread” and the Specials’ “Stupid Marriage,” with the judge sentencing the rude boy character. The lyrics for this always were a struggle for Suggs on live versions, so I’m glad to finally hear it all with clarity.

MR TRULL: I think the recording works better than on The Get Up! I prefer this ending with Suggs repeating “Baby burglar…”  I rate it four biscuits.

MR YOUNG: The new fade ending is fine. But I will be reinstating the brass section Batman theme ending on my own personal listens as I like it. 

MR TRULL: Batman theme? Don’t think I ever heard that version.

MR YOUNG: I’ll send you a link.

THE COMPÈRE (over a melodramatic cue of piano and organ): Surrounded on all sides, in an increasingly difficult situation, is there still the possibility of escape?

MR YOUNG: Looking for tension-building for your film soundtrack? Ring M. Barson, he’s your man. 

“C’est La Vie” by M. Barson begins to play.

MR TRULL: After that overflowing cornucopia of a Prologue, the show proper begins! Is it coincidence that the first three songs are the previews from The Get Up? We’re in terra incognita from here on out.

MR YOUNG: Pushed off with a raucous blast from Lee and horror film organ from Mike.

MR TRULL (ponders): I get heavy Ian Dury vibes from this one. It’s like the kind of song Ian would write about the mess we’re in today, if he was still around. With foreign phrases in the chorus, like “Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick.”

MR YOUNG: I quite like the French bits. Not so keen on Suggs’s vocals on the verses. It’s strange the lead single may be my least favourite track. But the spooky chorus is strong. You just have to get there for the song to really get into gear.

MR TRULL: Myself, I give this song another five biscuits. Instant classic. That chorus is an earworm, for sure. Even if you have no idea what the words mean, as Suggs claims he doesn’t himself. By now we’ve all looked up the translation: “I’m not doing it, that’s life. That’s how it’s going to be.”

MR YOUNG: I’m still not sure what Mike’s on about. What is it he does not want to do? Is it his perspective on the rat race? In reference to the pandemic or the war? Or Brexit? Any ideas?

MR TRULL (laughs): Okay, I’ll give it a go. It reminds me of another pop song with an infamously confusing refusal in the chorus: “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That).” Everyone always wants to know “What would he not do?” But as Meat Loaf always had to explain, each verse says exactly what he meant. He’d never forget her, he’d never forgive himself, he’d never stop dreaming of her… all the things like Rick Astley was never gonna do.

MR YOUNG: Ah, right!

MR TRULL: So following Meat Loaf’s lesson, let’s look at what Barson says in every verse before “Je ne le fais pas.” It’s “stand up tall against the wall, and one by one you all shall fall.” Which might mean a literal order to go before a firing squad for execution, or figuratively surrendering your freedom and dignity. I think that’s what he’s making a declaration of resistance against.

MR YOUNG: Sure. Brilliant. Why the use of French, though? 

MR TRULL: Who knows, maybe Mike thought “c’est la vie” was a cool phrase and worked backwards from there? Or it could be the character lives in a totalitarian state in danger of being killed for speaking out, so he protests quietly in another language so the fascists won’t understand. Or maybe he fantasizes about escaping to freedom in France, like the Walter Mitty daydreaming about Africa in Barson’s song on Norton Folgate. Remember, Act I is supposed to be about the possibility of escape.

MR YOUNG: Nice thoughts indeed, Mr Trull. One other point about the French. In Suggs’s one-man show What a King Cnut, he sings the Chelsea football terrace song that goes, “Celery, Celery, if she don’t c*m, I’ll tickle her bum, with a lump of celery…” Now that he’s singing “C’est La Vie,” some Chelsea fans are likely to misinterpret this tune entirely!

MR TRULL (laughs): Love it! « Celery ! C’est comme ça que, elle derrière ! » That’s straight out of Ted Lasso. Okay, let’s see what’s next…

“What on Earth Is It (You Take Me For?)” by C. Foreman/L. Thompson begins to play.

MR YOUNG: Ooh errr missus, the song formerly known as “Pussy Galore” and “British Film Standards.” You can trust a Foreman/Thompson tune to have strong guitar backing and saucy sax swirls. It’s a right old Thompson satire, this. Sheer nuttiness. He’s having a kerfuffle with the television set! 

MR TRULL: Oh, I thought it was about the depravity of modern life in general, but you say it’s specifically about TV?

MR YOUNG: Yeah, it’s loaded with British television references. “Watershed” means the 9:00 PM hour when adult programmes can start broadcasting. “Families at War” describes the violence, sex and scandal in most early-evening soap operas these days. Cucumber was a Channel 4 drama about sex crime and 21st century gay life. Abigail and Brittany are conjoined twins from a documentary series. “Take the money/open the box” was a catchphrase from a 1950s game show, Take Your Pick, where contestants decided on their prize of choice while the audience heckled them. And “Matron!” is…

MR TRULL: Wait, I understood that reference! Steve Rogers moment! That’s from the Carry On films, where there was always the prudish, middle-aged Matron lady. And they yelled for her when something risqué was going on.

MR YOUNG: Exactly. And “gawping at the dot” refers to how the picture on old cathode ray tube TVs turned to a glowing dot in the middle of the screen when you shut them off. Lee’s pointing out the hypocrisy of people complaining about all the brain-rotting filth on television, when all they need to do is take responsibility and stop watching it. He even pulls out the first F-word ever on a Madness record! Hate what’s on TV? “Just pull the effing plug out from its connector.”

MR TRULL: You know, it’s funny. As much as Suggs curses at every live gig, a studio F-bomb at this late stage comes as no meaningful shock.

MR YOUNG: True. So what do you think?

MR TRULL: Oh, I love it! Four biscuits. I can now say I actually comprehend the song, thanks to your telly intel. Perhaps railing against television is passé these days, with the medium dying out in favor of streaming and YouTube. But that’s okay, since TV still sucks. The only comparison I could draw to the song was Street Fighter 6, which has had me glued to my PlayStation these past few months. Thommo’s repeating sax riff sounds just like the “Ball Block Blitz” minigame, only in a lower key. Pretty sure that’s just a coincidence.

MR YOUNG: Well maybe Thommo will write a song about video game violence someday!

“Hour of Need” by M. Barson begins to play.

MR TRULL: Wow. This is something special. It’s so… intimate.

MR YOUNG (nodding): Mike’s been writing about male vulnerability since “My Girl”’s relationship confusion was so well-stated. Following the sweet “You Are My Everything” on Can’t Touch Us Now, we now have this sweeping beautiful song. It’s adorable. He’s the Brian Wilson of Madness, putting his whole heart into songs. Suggs performs this well, and excited the fangirl front row at Koko with his conveyance of “Hold me so closely.” Could there be a hint of illness in the lyrics, did he need comfort when he caught COVID back in 2021? 

MR TRULL: It makes me think of growing old, too. At their age, of course Barson and Suggs both have thoughts about aging and the need for comfort and ease in their dotage.

MR YOUNG: The song is universal and doesn’t really need specifics. It’s a deserving song transcending into the ranks of blanket feeling songs such as R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts” and The Beach Boys’ “God Only Knows.”

MR TRULL: Oh, I like the comparison to “Everybody Hurts.” Definitely. By that token, it also fits alongside “One” by U2 and “Black” by Pearl Jam. Another thing that strikes me is the strings. The melody is largely carried by pizzicato plucking, which for a lot of other pop bands would seem like a schmaltzy move. But then you remember “It Must Be Love” is all about that pizzicato. No treble. 

MR YOUNG: Er, right. The opening keyboards are like Mike’s stab at Depeche Mode’s “Strangelove.” Then those strings come in, and bang, it’s Madness. It’s all made to seem so seamless in the musicianship that you can’t spotlight one element when atmosphere prevails so holistically. 

MR TRULL: You could even consider “Hour of Need” a dark cousin to “It Must Be Love.” Through thick and thin, in sickness and in health. Five biscuits, easily.

MR YOUNG (earnestly): This emotionally moves me. I married this year. I heard this song at Koko and it resonated personally with me. When I compared notes after the concert, it turns out my wife had a similar transportation to a personal life moment with this tune. Proof we can all apply this to any emotional experience of coupled comfort or down distress of any kind. Go to this tune in your own hour of need. It will be there.

THE COMPÈRE (over a waltzing swirl of accordion and piano): The damsel in distress stands alone, with no one to defend her… No one.

MR YOUNG: Leftover material from “Le Grand Pantalon” takes us to continental Europe!

“Round We Go” by D. Woodgate begins to play.

MR YOUNG: And now for Woody’s lyric. (Listens.) Hey, it’s two gorgeous ballads back to back.

MR TRULL (after a pause): This is beautiful. Very much of a piece with his “Leon” and “Small World” from Oui Oui Si Si. 

MR YOUNG: Woody has said this song is about a mother’s love for her narcissist son. She makes the difficult decision to stand back and let “God’s gift” make his mistakes, hoping life will teach him lessons. We’ve all been close to people in life and been unable to steer them, when judging their egos has become too much. It’s a judgemental, wisdom-based distance, for right or wrong.

MR TRULL: It puts me in the mind of “Waterloo Sunset” by The Kinks, with the up-and-down singsong melody. And the backing vocals are so excellent. I think that must be Woody’s wife, who sang on “Small World”?

MR YOUNG: Er, no. That’s Woody’s new wife. Grace.

MR TRULL (embarrassed): Oops. Awkward! Well, fantastic work, Grace!

MR YOUNG: She has a great voice. I believe she had done some music before. As a matter of fact, I’ve a telegram here from Woody on the very subject of what she added to the song. (Produces a telegram from his vest pocket and slips on reading spectacles.) I’ll read it out, it means a lot. Ahem… “The band’s version is true to the demo that I recorded years ago, however the backing vocals that Grace recorded transported the song to another level. Without her the song wouldn’t sound complete. The song originally didn’t have backing vocals, there was something missing. Grace came up with the parts, and it all fell into place. I love what she’s done, it’s a truly soulful performance.”

MR TRULL: Fascinating.

MR YOUNG: I love the triple cross vocals ending. It’s majestic, singing in a round. It soars. Suggs’s singing is brilliant and so is Grace’s. Woody’s fast drumming in the chorus is a powerful upward gear change. He’s contributed a song here with depth and a unique topic. I have to report this might be my favourite song on the album.

MR TRULL: Again, five biscuits for me. I’m giving out a lotta damn biscuits here. And you know “Round We Go” must be important, because it’s the only song on the program with an entire act unto itself. But the question remains, who is the damsel in distress? Is it the narcissist’s mother? Or are the Martin Freeman speeches just a bunch of nonsense for absurdity’s sake? 

The curtain falls and the Compère takes the stage.

THE COMPÈRE: There will now be a whopping great intermission, during which small ice creams in very large boxes will be sold. Let’s be honest, most readers never got past the Prologue, and they may have all fled to Instagram already. And no, Mr Pseudo-Intellectual American, my spoken word pieces are not nonsense, thank you very much. We hope you will enjoy the remainder of the show.

Applause. A mellow lounge arrangement of “The Return of the Los Palmas 7” begins to play.

MR YOUNG (stands): Good, I’m off to have a wee.

MR TRULL (also stands): Wee wee, si si ja ja da da!

The two gentlemen exit the luxury box.

To be continued in:
SSM and MIS present Absurdlutely Mad: Une Critique Musicale (LP 2)