It’s just gone loon, won’t get fixed soon
On the banks of Suez Canal 
Gigantic boat, only half-afloat
Captain’s made a clueless foul

Rotten luck, he says, from the Gulf of Suez 
Sideways across the whole canal
In his nutty fez, worse than Exxon Valdez 
As the rest of the ships all scowl

220K tons canned, stuck beached on dry land
Like a turd constipated in a bowel
Evergreen in wet sand, now this shit’s out of hand
Effed up the Suez Canal
It’s shut down Suez Canal

ABANDON SHIP! NOWT BOATS TO CAIRO!

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With thanks to Darren Dixon for inspiration