Stephen Colbert Presents Madness in (R) House

Madness has turned up on American late night TV lots of times before, notably on David Letterman, Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel. And now they’ve made an unexpected debut on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, as the inspiration for one of the show’s cold open parody songs. Colbert borrowed the tune and music video for “Our House” to lampoon the prolonged Speakerless madness plaguing our House of Representatives at the outset of 2023.

Kevin looking all distressed
His dream’s a mess
He’s failed the test
Now it’s been 10 times
His plans have all unraveled
To win the gavel
He’ll crawl through gravel
Then hand his nuts to her [Lauren Boebert]

(R) House
Where the votes go on and on
(R) House
Mostly run by QAnon
(R) House
Filled with nihilistic rage
(R) House
This guy [Matt Gaetz] likes them underage
(R) House
Mostly filled with jerks and crooks
(R) House
Look how happy Nancy [Pelosi] looks

Now it’s always a welcome sight to see Madness turn up in American media and prove they they still have some measure of cultural relevance, for sure. But honestly, Colbert’s writers room was a bit hacky on those lyrics, and Stateside Madness is compelled to take a better stab at it, starting from a more appropriate Madness tune.

With giggles from his MAGA foes
Mr. Speaker gets the bird
Now how on earth does he propose
To lead this House of the absurd?

Fifteen grabs, he takes the crown
Thinks he’s won, pathetic joke
In deals with devils Kevin found
Concessions and “Present” votes

Mr. Speaker gets the bird
Denied the power once assured
Fails so fast his fails are blurred
Mr. Speaker oooh... gets a turd

Comeuppance rages through his brain
Sold his soul for thankless years
Not enough time for his reign
Soon they’ll toss him out of here...

Zombies (Are All into Brains)


I’ve never had much cause for worry
And I’ve not got a home or bed.
You’ll never find me in a hurry
Because I live my life walking dead.

People say that I’m creepy,
But I crave human remains.
I know what I know from George A. Romero,
That zombies are all into brains.

Fresh cerebrums are all that I care for,
I believe I’ll crack open a head.
Fresh cerebrums are all that is needed,
Because I live my life walking dead.

People say that I’m creepy,
But I crave human remains.
I know what Return of the Living Dead told,
That zombies are all into brains.


I’m happy the way that I do things,
Continually dealing bloodshed.
I’ve no worries on what tomorrow brings,
Because I live my life walking dead.

People say that I’m creepy,
But I crave human remains.
I know what I know, even on Game of Thrones,
That zombies are all into brains.

Well some men shoot at us with rifles,
Surviving in apocalypse days.
But I don’t have much indigestion.
Zombies are all into brains… 
Zombies are all into brains…
Zombies are all into brains… 
Scraps of brain washing down the dah-rain…


Inspired by the sleeve artwork for the 1983 “Madness (Is All in the Mind) single, which was mysterious and spooky and altogether ooky, for some reason!

Behold the Chriscoiffian Calendar

In honor of Chris Foreman’s 65th birthday, Stateside Madness managing director Poly Collins has compiled an incisive retrospective on Chrissy Boy’s evolving haircuts. Sit back and have a beer (or six) with Poly as he tracks the course of civilization as reckoned by the Chriscoiffian Calendar! It’s SHOWTIME!

After that, tune in to the newest Chris Foreman episode of the Stateside Madness Podcast to hear Poly and co-host Laurie discuss Chrissy’s life and times, and Chris himself offers a few short remarks on the subject of birthdays. For more from Chris, don’t miss our full-length Chris Foreman interview podcast from March 2021.

Nowt Boats to Cairo

It’s just gone loon, won’t get fixed soon
On the banks of Suez Canal 
Gigantic boat, only half-afloat
Captain’s made a clueless foul

Rotten luck, he says, from the Gulf of Suez 
Sideways across the whole canal
In his nutty fez, worse than Exxon Valdez 
As the rest of the ships all scowl

220K tons canned, stuck beached on dry land
Like a turd constipated in a bowel
Evergreen in wet sand, now this shit’s out of hand
Effed up the Suez Canal
It’s shut down Suez Canal


With thanks to Darren Dixon for inspiration